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Joke of the Day

"I asked the cashier for a kitkat chunky She turned around and selected a kitkat chunky from the shelf and then handed it to me. I replied: ""I wanted a regular kitkat you fat bitch."""

"Me: It actually takes light around 8 minutes to travel from the Sun to Earth. Her: Umm light is instant. Everyone knows that. Me: Go home."

"*DJ scratches a sick mix* [crowd goes wild] *DJ scratches a puppy's ear* [crowd ""awws""] *DJ scratches Lotto ticket* [crowd ""oohs""] *wins $1*"

"Cry Baby - by Liza Weeping"

"I don't have a small penis... its just ""fun sized""."

"A banker, a Greek and a German sit on a table ... There are ten cookies on that table. The banker takes nine and tells the German: ""Watch out, the Greek so going to steal your cookie!"""

"Penis nicknames My ex-girlfriend nicknamed my penis after her favorite rapper, Biggie. So I nicknamed her boobs after my favourite country band, Rascal Flatts."

"[airport security] *BEEP* Ma'am, step through again *BEEP* Nice try pal, I'm not removing my Slayer shirt Ma'am, please it's too much metal"

"A scientific joke Q: Why are Curium, Helium, and Barium the medical elements? A: Because if you can't Curium or Helium them, you Barium!"

"I called my boss and told him ""the roads are blocked so I'll be redditing from home today"""