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Joke of the Day

"TIL Only three types of mammals go through menopause. The Blue Whale, The Beluga Whale, and You're Mom"

"What's the worst thing Willie Nelson can tell you while giving you a handjob? I'm not Willie Nelson"

"What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon Tennish"

"ER Dr: What are you doing? Me: I'm decorating. ER Dr: Why? Me: According to my bill I live here now."

"Did you hear about the new show about Xi Jinping, Kim Jong Un and Vladimir Putin? It's called [Removed]"

"The cops showed up earlier saying my dog was chasing some kid on a bike.. I was like that's ridiculous, my dog can't ride a bike"

"Sean Connery is standing at your door, wearing white shorts and a white shirt and holding a racket. What time is it? Tennish."

"I'm worried my dog will never find out who's a good boy."

"Hey kids, remember the feeling you got when you cleaned your room without being asked and no one noticed? That's what adulthood's like."

"Being left-handed is unacceptable. It's just not right...."