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Joke of the Day

"[at aquarium] ""Kids, the blowfish is named bc of its cheeks"" BLOWFISH: [taps glass] actually that's a common misconception, got any cocaine?"

"My mother once told me to get rid of the assholes in my life She then complains that I never contact her."

"So we've all heard the ""7, 8, 9 joke"" before.... Well then why was 2 sad? Because it went 1-3! (I'm sorry)"

"wife: know what today is? me: yep wife: on 2 together: 1, 2 wife: Happy Anniver.. me: 3 MONTHS UNTIL.. wife:..sary me: wife: me: ..Santa"

"The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar... It was tense."

"I made a terrible mistake when I searched for Gary Oldman on Google. I forgot the R"

"I love Mondays... It's when I take my weekly sarcasm class."

"What's the difference between Jews and Christians? Jews get really angry, but Christians just get a little cross."

"What do you call it when a homeless wino robs a gay man in a park late at night? A WHAM reunion."

"Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it."