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Joke of the Day

"My mother once told me to get rid of the assholes in my life She then complains that I never contact her."

"Jerusalem by Don McLean I think the song could be greatly improved if at the line: ""All roads lead to you,"" the singer shakes a fist and yells out ""Take that, Rome!"""

"If all humans held hands around the equator of Earth A significant amount of then would probably drown."

"Why did the Mexican tie his wife to the train tracks? To-kill-er"

"I think the funnest part of a prostate exam is when I fake an orgasm."

"Updates status.. no one comments. Updates status again."

"My parents were nihilists, but I knew they loved me... ...Because when they died, they left me nothing."

"""I have a particular set of spills,"" Liam Neeson says, eyeing his soiled shirt. He looks for a napkin but the last one's already been Taken."

"What do you call an alcoholic dog ? A whino !"

"What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? One goes... *WHACK*...""Dang it!"" And the other goes... ""Dang it!""...*WHACK*"