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Joke of the Day

"I warn you not to mess with me! I know Karate, Judo, Aikido, Jiujitsu and 22 other japanese words."

"Batman pushes a batcuffed Joker thru the crowd. ""Look! Hahaha!"" yells the Joker. Batman glances up at the jumbotron. GODDAMN the kiss cam."

"If it's yellow, let it mellow, if it's brown, flush it down. That leaves a wide range of colors I have no idea what to do with."

"Picture us, making love. Wrong. More cheese."

"People complain about Facebook privacy settings, but I'm still standing 5 inches away from the guy in the urinal next to me."

"Dentist: Don't worry. I'm painless. Patient: I'm not."

"What do 9 volt batteries and butt holes have in common? You know you shouldn't, but one day you're probably going to try licking one."

"When my girlfriend sends me to the supermarket to get cucumbers I also buy Vaseline so the cashier doesn't think I'm a vegan."

"When I asked you for the punchline... ...I didn't think you were talking about polygamist domestic abuse."

"If Trump and Hillary were stranded on a boat, who would survive?? America."