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Joke of the Day

"People complain about Facebook privacy settings, but I'm still standing 5 inches away from the guy in the urinal next to me."

"What do you put in an oragami gun? Paper clips."

"A woman walks into a green grocers. She asks the man behind the counter for a cucumber. He asks her: ""Whole or sliced?"" She replies: ""I've got a fanny, not a fucking slot machine!"""

"in hell your cat can talk and he openly judges you for everything he saw you doing when you were home alone"

"Hey gurl are you an integral? Because I'd gladly replace my x with u."

"Funny teacher responses to ""Can I go to the bathroom?"" Forget the classic ""I don't know, can you?"""

"What do you call it when a black person has diarrhea? Nigeria"

"Just apologized to my dog for being a crazy person, and I could tell by the way she didn't respond that she's been thinking it for a while."

"A friend of mine just got fired from his job as a butcher. Apparently he was offal."

"""IT WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO BE LIKE THIS!!!"" I yell at the guy next to me at the red light while tweezing stray hairs from my chin."