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Joke of the Day

"people say I'm a narcissist.. I don't think there's anything wrong with me."

"Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So...41 guys...that's the limit."

"There was an old woman walking her dog A man came up to her and said that's an ugly pig. The woman replied ""Sir, that's not a pig."" The man said ""I was talking to the dog!"""

"Where did the ghost go shopping? At the BOO-tique"

"What do you call a Korean with a dog? ...vegetarian. For the record, I'm Korean and have a dog haha."

"I just got a job as a triangle player in a reggae band It's really easy, I just stand at the back and ting"

"Say what you will about deaf people..."

"Netflix is becoming a viable competitor to cable service So your local cable company is now offering headend and bellend"

"Policeman: Didn't you see that stop sign? Driver: I keep my eyes closed in traffic."

"*sits 27 hours for an oil on canvas portrait* omg delete that. Bartholomew i'm serious do not fucking hang that in the Great Hall"