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Joke of the Day

"What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree might kill you? A pool table."

"To this day, no song pumps me up as much as the theme from 'Bill Nye the Science Guy.'"

"How do you call 8 Hobbits? A Hobbyte"

"Do you know the difference between a mailbox and an elephant's asshole? No? Remind me not to give you a letter to mail."

"John Cena vs Jackie Chan vs Leeerroooyyy Jeeennnkiiinnns who wins? Nobody wins. My Senpai can only win. I will make sure of it one way or another......."

"Ya know? You're like a blister... you only turn up once all the hard work is done."

"I always give 100% Which is why I was sacked from being an exam marker."

"Therapist: please tell me a little about what brought you both here today. Wife: We don't talk. Plus he is so literal. Me: My truck."

"How to make your girl feel special: 1) Write down how you feel about your drink or drug of choice. 2) Put her name on it & give it to her."

"Why didn't the penguin close on his mortgage? He had cold feet."