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Joke of the Day

"How do you top a car? tep on the brake, tupid!"

"Talking too much is a sign of insecurity. So is keeping too quiet. So is breathing and having been born a human."

"Did you hear about the factory run by a hangman? All work has been suspended."

"I met this one guy who thought killing someone to save many is still wrong. God, what a Kant."

"The best thing about being over 25 is that no one can find embarrassing Youtube videos of you as a kid."

"Children of ISIS have been complaining of the heat and the leaders didn't know what to do... lucky for them, they were able to recruit Italian ISIS. credit goes to Jerry Seinfeld for the idea."

"Apparently when your boss asks if you're on drugs ""which drugs?"" isn't the appropriate response. I know this now."

"Mom: I called you bc I was watching a TV show & thought of you! Me: Ya? What show? My Mom (laughing): A show about Aliens! Very funny Mom!"

"Hey girl, are you an F5 key? Cause that ass is refreshing."

"A sadist doctor keeps his stethoscope in a fridge"