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Joke of the Day

"That's disgusting! Where did you learn to do that?! Don't wipe boogers on Mommy's pillow! Wipe it on Daddy's"

"32. Never married. No children. nnI'm the last single friend standing! I win!nn*This message brought to you by whiskey and self loathing."

"How many absurdists does it take to change a lightbulb? Yarn."

"You're Mama's so dumb... She thought the Gay Pride Parade was in honor of Happy Lions."

"What did the gay crocodile do when made the head coach of a thirsty football team? He gave them GatorAIDS"

"*opens up briefcase in court, revealing snakes* ""Wait. Then that means-"" [cut to my nemesis waking up surrounded by my opening statement]"

"I'm not particularly bad at cooking, but how long is the pasta supposed to stay in the toaster?"

"Elephants and a Guy Two Elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: ""I really don't get how he can feed himself with that thing!"

"Gold, frankincense, but wait... there's myrhh"

"A mama's boy is frantically running out of a strip club yelling... MY MOMMA TOLD ME IF I EVER CAME INTO A PLACE LIKE THIS I'D TURN INTO STONE. AND I FEEL IT'S STARTING"