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Joke of the Day

"I said to my doctor... I said to my doctor, ""Doctor, i just don't know what's wrong with me this week?"" He said ""Jim, you're a hypochondriac"". I replied ""Oh no, not that aswell!"""

"Being a Miami Heat fan is like high fiving Starbucks employees while the locally owned coffee shop across the street boards up its doors."

"RT This if wish you had an Fairly OddParent."

"I wish the mailman would come to my house at the same time as the garbage man so he could give my mail directly to him."

"How do you get a fool to read something? Mark it as NSFW"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Your mom xDDddd"

"I rang a gym yesterday and asked them if they could teach me to do the splits ""How flexible are you?"" they asked ""Well I can't do Tuesday's"""

"Did you hear about the Mexican train robber? Apparently he had Loco motives."

"What is the worst way to find out you just came into money? via sticky notes"

"judas: yo jesus: sup judas [hiding crocs behind back]: would u like if someone bought you crocs jesus: id rather be betrayed lmao judas: wow"