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Joke of the Day

"What did Dodi Fayed say to his driver? Want to go out with me and Di tonight?"

"Have you seen the new ticket prices for Alton Towers? Admission now costs an arm and a leg!"

"If you think nobody cares whether you're alive... try missing a couple of payments."

"I wanted to have a blimp of my own But it is so above my reach due to all the inflation!"

"Elephant in sneakers Why does an elephant wear sneakers? So that he can sneak up on mice!"

"I think horoscopes are absolute tosh. But you know me, typical Virgo."

"I just 'borrowed' $20 from my teenage daughter. She's such an idiot."

"A joke from my dad: Why is Santa so jolly? He knows where the naughty girls live."

"I hate when people text 'call me'. I'm going to start calling people, say 'text me' and then hang up."

"If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning and you could only save one of them would you go to lunch or read the paper?"