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Joke of the Day

"Girls love when you hug them from behind and whisper sweet nothings in their ears. Strangers, not so much."

"If you had $1 for every time you've masturbated What color would your Bugatti be?"

"Just went down to get my driver's license renewed but this time I made sure I was drunk for the picture. Now if I ever get pulled over for drunk driving, they'll just think I'm spastic."

"What's that one place in Thailand called? Ahh Phuket. Nevermind."

"Hey Billy Joel it's called a pianist."

"They say everything is bigger in Texas, but their buses are usually shorter."

"Kanye and Kim name their first child North West... ....in hopes that it will one day be the lead singer for One Direction"

"Clean and jerk is a weight lifting term? Oh... *Tosses tissues in the trash*"

"Mum: From now on your going to have free school dinners. Son:But Mum I don't want three school dinners one is more than enough !"

"My wife's maggot soup surprise is better than it used to be now that it is topped with coal ash."