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Joke of the Day

"My wife set up a spycam and found out my sons ""speech impediment"" was from 5 years of me talking to him in Borat voice while she was at work"

"Are there holes in your socks? No? Then how do you put them on?"

"If you can't buy a person, you can always sell him."

"My wife bought four grapefruit spoons. You know, for all those times in your life when there are four people eating grapefruit at once."

"It took me a long time to figure out how one could like EDM music. I didn't think Electrical Discharge Machining could even make music."

"I used to date a girl with a lazy eye... but I dumped her because she kept seeing people on the side."

"What file turns a 1mm hole into a 10mm hole? A paedophile."

"You only live once! So never, ever, do anything risky and fuck this up."

"A clown held the door open for me the other day. I thought that was a kind jester."

"Trump to Implement Specific Insurance Plan He wants to have a toupee-er system."