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Joke of the Day

"[elevator] ""Wanna buy a spoon?"" Huh, no, why? [elevator slowly fills with pudding] [opens briefcase filled with spoons] [sheepishly] Yes."

"Jesus might love me but my girlfriend gives me blowjobs so religion is stupid."

"I broke up with my Japanese girlfriend but she keeps calling me Seems like I have to drop the bomb twice."

"My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise? -Because the other fish were crying. Edit: *One of them dies."

"If women ruled the World, there would be no wars... Just a bunch of countries not talking to each other."

"Little Johnny (x-post /r/AntiJokes) The Mailman saw Little Johnny on the side of the street with an old coffee can. Mailman: What have you got in that can there? Johnny: dogshit Mailman: what the fuck"

"If you slowly put your fingers in someone's mouth, they will quit telling you about their day at work."

"""Man cave"" - Russian who has yet to get a full grip on our language, except mostly slang terms, describing the end of a couple's argument"

"Why do Scottish men have long skinny dicks? Because they're tight fisted wankers."

"What does a woman do with her asshole when she's having sex? She sends him out to play golf."