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Joke of the Day

"Why shouldn't you talk to someone with a brain tumor?.... ..because they've got a lot on their mind."

"I got my priest to stop hitting on me. I introduced him to my little brother."

"I don't see the point of being a godmother if the kid refuses to kiss my ring. I mean, what the hell?"

"Hotel beds are often all the proof I need that Satan owns a mattress factory."

"Yo momma's so fat, when she butt dials, she makes a conference call"

"What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth? About one U.S Leader."

"I was eating at a nice dinner last night and realized that we spend a lot of money on something that is just going to turn to shit. But enough about my romantic relationships."

".@tonyhawk Will you kick flip over my coffin at my funeral? Need to know by Friday."

"A guy in a public place, phone out, camera on... He approaches a young woman. ""What are you doing, creep?"" she says. He glances up, smiles, and says ""Calm down. I'm just trying to get a Pikachu."""

"What did the kleptomaniacal compulsive liar say when his beekeeper friend asked him what he was running away with? ""None of your beeswax!"""