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Joke of the Day

"A pirate walks into a bar... A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel hanging from his crotch. Someone asks ""what is that on you?"" He responds, ""Arrr, I've no idea, but it's drivin' me nuts!"""

"What do you call a small, noisy dog? A subwoofer."

"I own box sets of both the Star Wars and Star Trek franchises in case you were wondering if virginity can grow back."

"Therapist: do u communicate with your kids? Me: my son stays in his room all day & never speaks Therapist [looks at notes]: the 5 week old?"

"Q: ""What has an IQ of 42?"" A: ""40 Marines plus their lieutenant"""

"I walked into a gas station and asked, ""Can I have a Kit-Kat chunky?"" The lady behind the counter came back with a Kit-Kat Chunky. I said, ""No, I wanted a normal Kit-Kat you fat bitch."""

"Four gay men walk into a bar and there's only one available stool. What do they do? Flip the stool over."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's a really obscure number and you've probably never heard of it."

"Yesterday I bought an expensive but poorly made tie... I think my ascot ripped off!"

"Women, If you could just go ahead, get a plane & spell it out in the sky for us, that'd be greeeat. Sincerely, Men"