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Joke of the Day
"In case nobody has Facebook, it's cold outside."
Next Joke
"%3. Ask Questions. 4. Use the face."
"""Child rearing"" sounds like something that'll get you life in prison."
"There's a steering wheel in my pants It's driving me nuts"
"Interview: ""What's your greatest weakness?"" *I look at my watch then lean in* How much time do you have?"
"I'm thinking of something really stupid to tweet -all of us all the time"
"If Skittles were made from actual fruit, I'd be considered a much better parent."
"I was bit by a radio active spider so now I wear a rubber suit, swing around like a monkey and use karate, you know, like a spider."
"To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce"
"(Dark humor) what's the difference between a sandwich and a dead baby? I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it."