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Joke of the Day

"I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. It reminds me of why there is no fucking money in there."

"I was gonna make a joke about butts Butt fuck it."

"My girlfriend was very proud of this one. What does cats and festival attendees have in common? They both love using the toilet right after it's been cleaned."

"Got in our old Mark 1 Golf today... ... My dad grabs shifts into reverse and says....""Aah, this takes me back"""

"I tried to convince the grape that she had dried out... But I just couldn't raisin with her. I'll see myself out."

"What do you call a bear that's questioning their sexuality? A bipolar bear."

"Did you hear about the blind man walking past the fishmonger's? ""Hello ladies"""

"""Can you describe your self in two words?"" - Lazy."

"What's the last thing you hear before a pubic hair falls to the ground? *spits*"

"Darth Vader says to Luke 'I know what you're getting for Christmas'. Luke: How could you know that? Darth: I have felt your presents"