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Joke of the Day

"Life is full of people you can't have and people you don't want."

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"Beyonce made a song called ""Single Ladies"" then went home to her husband and left you lonely hoes dancing in a circle pretending to be happy"
"I can get into aquariums for free, because I donated a whale! I guess my ex's sister was useful for something after all."
"Ladies; When a guy says he ""just wants to be friends"" he means with your v@gina."
"What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z? They're not infallible"
"My neighbors have really overgrown trees in their yard and keep their curtains down all the time I think that's pretty shady"
"What's Hitlers favourite weather? HEIL!"
"What do you call obnoxious almonds? DEEZ NUTS!!! HA! GOT EEM!"
"What's the matter son? The boy next door said I look just like you? What did you say? Nothing he's bigger than me !"
"today i won a raffle. received a life supply of marmite, one whole jar."