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Joke of the Day

"A black man walks into a music store... ...and asks an employee if they have anything by 'The Doors'. To which the employee responds ""yeah, two security cameras, so get lost"""

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"There was a new machine at the gym today. I had to stop using it after an hour as i felt sick, but it was worth it got through 4 kit kats 2 cherry cokes and 2 packets of crisps."
"Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. We think we might be in love with your call. We made your call a mix tape."
"Roses are red violets are blue celery is green bees are black and yellow please help me I can't stop pumpkins are orange satan is vermillion"
"There was a baby boy born at the hospital without eyelids. So the doctors circumcised him and used his foreskin as eyelids. He's doing fine, he is just a little cockeyed"
"""What makes you think you can criticise American gun laws, sitting over there in the UK?"" I was asked on an internet forum. ""Because you're not allowed to take them on planes,"" I answered."
"Facebook is the second most popular word that starts with ""F"" and ends with ""K"" Firetruck is a very popular word!"
"I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month."
"There's nothing quite like a pissed off toddler trying to make her point by angrily storming away on a ride on ladybug"
"I trimmed all the bushes in the front yard to make my house look bigger."