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Joke of the Day

"Someone from Cairo unfollowed me today which makes me think he must've really hated my tweets to find a way to get on the web to do it."

"Having your 7 year old son clean the toilet is pretty entertaining. He used Pledge. In other news I just slid off the toilet, into the tub."

"What do you call a cow in a Russian forest? A moss-cow. Alternative answer: dead."

"My girlfriend told me I'm starting to annoy her because I relate everything to batman... What a joker!"

"What's cooler than Obama? Snowbama"

"Son: Dad do you remember your first blowjob? Dad: Ohhh yeah I do! Son: How did it taste? Dad: Get out"

"Did you hear there was a blackout last night? Don't worry, we caught him"

"What do a cell phone and anal bleach have in common? They both change your ring tone"

"I'd rather pick my nose in traffic than arrive at my destination with a crusty booger. Anyone who says different is a liar."

"Customer: Waiter this food is repeating on me. Waiter: Good we love repeat business."