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Joke of the Day

"Call me narrow-minded, but I'll never try bestiality. I'm just not interested in going down that rabbit hole."

"Stop bragging about your 10,000 lakes, Minnesota. You don't hear Iowa going on and on about its 12,000 smells."

"How many people from Chernobyl does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They glow in the dark."

"My wife accused me of being immature. I told her to get out of my fort."

"A pirate with a steering wheel on his crotch walks into a bar The bartender says, ""You know you have a steering wheel attached to your crotch?"" And the pirate replies, ""Arrr, it's driving me nuts!"""

"[wakes up from coma I went into in 1908] so how many more World Series titles have the Cubs won?"

"Why does Donald Trump watch the olympics? To see how high the mexican pole jumpers can jump."

"""ARE YOU IN THERE LOOKING AT GUYS STARING AT THEIR COMPUTERS AGAIN?!?!"" - porn's parents"

"Cop: Know why I stopped you? Me: Cuz you SMELLED THIS DONUT? *tosses donut out window* Cop: ... Me: Aren't you gonna go get- Cop: Get out."

"I like having fun with strangers in elevators by slowly moving my finger towards the emergency stop button while maintaining eye contact."