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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Know why I stopped you? Me: Cuz you SMELLED THIS DONUT? *tosses donut out window* Cop: ... Me: Aren't you gonna go get- Cop: Get out."

"I'm not a Facebook status, you don't have to like me."

"I'm going to rewrite history. History."

"How many feninists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. Because feminists can't change anything."

"Why does Donald Trump take women out on his yacht? Because of the implication."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? ""P"" because it's an R that lost a leg."

"Smoking causes a huge financial burden that's shared by all of us, so it only makes sense that they get a bunch of extra five minute breaks."

"You wanna know what sucks about being single? Nothing. You gotta use your hands now."

"Beer: The WD40 for conversations."

"My 5 stages of grief: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Are you gonna eat that?"