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Joke of the Day

"Tomorrow you'll be able to stop hating people for their political views and go back to hating them for their personality!"

"Why do Pokemon have eyes? So they can pikachu"

"Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only cums once a year."

"What's the instrument of oppression? the Trumpet"

"Why do people with heart disease always lose at poker? They have to take ACE inhibitors."

"[at a wedding] *bridesmaids walk to stage* 5 year old: Does he get to pick?"

"My editor told me I need to be more pithy, so I booked an appointment with a urologist."

"Me (to 7): Son, we... Wife (in earpiece): have to talk M: Have to talk W: about girls M: About grills W: NO M: NO W: IDIOT M: IDIOT"

"I enjoy cereal so much.. I enjoy cereal so much that I started incorporating it into other aspects of my life. For example, I don't get blue balls, I get Grape-Nuts."

"[doctors] ""How long have I got?"" ""Not long. Two, three months"" [casually places apple on desk] ""Ok, ok, six. Just get that out of here!"""