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Joke of the Day

"*has argument with husband* *brings up all the dumb shit he said in 2011* *adds ""Historian"" to bio*"

"So most foot longs at Subway are 7$ not 5$. I'm not mad that it's more money. I'm just mad that I sing their tunes of false advertisement"

"Funny prank: Put a cinder block in someone's pillowcase and right when they say ""What the fuck?!"" let like six wolves into their room."

"How many hipsters does it take to change a light bulb? It's a really obscure number. You probably never heard of it."

"How can you tell if someone is vegan? They'll tell you"

"Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last guy who had a dream got shot"

"My friends and I were trying to decide which award winning drama TV show we should watch It came down to the wire."

"What does an English pimp do, after having tea and crumpets? Tally Hoes"

"What's brown and sounds like a bell? Dung! (Credit to the Pythons)"

"Brains aren't everything. In your case they're nothing."