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Joke of the Day
"*kicks house door down* I SAID HAVE YOU ACCEPTED JESUS INTO YOUR LIFE?"
Next Joke
"""I'm constantly quoting myself. Like right now, for instance."" I just said that."
"If I had known ""cuties"" were little oranges when my wife asked me to ""bring a few home,"" I could have avoided these awkward introductions."
"Don't touch my nutella with your banana."
"Knock Knock Who's there? Allah Allah who? *Boom*"
"I'm still on my first marriage, and... Wait, that sounded very negative, as if I don't expect this marriage to last. My current wife hates it when I talk like that."
"Damn girl, your ass is like an avacado It's that good kinda fat"
"I still remember my grandfathers last words to me ""stop shaking the ladder, you little shit!"""
"WIFE: Please stop. ME: Stop what? WIFE: Singing in the shower. ME: What's the big deal? WIFE: You're scaring everyone at Home Depot."
"How to get a cop's attention"