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Joke of the Day

"Since women are always looking for ways to accentuate their boobs... I'm creating a new line of shirts with attached seat belts."

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"My girlfriend asked for a dick pic file size too large"
"me: ""what is a librarian's favourite food?"" dog: me: ""SHUSHI lmao"" dog: [starts putting his toys in suitcase]"
"Two bananas are relaxing on a river bank... When a turd floats by. The turd shouts over. ""Come on in the waters great."" One banana turns to the other and says. ""Do you believe this shit."""
"Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty bastards."
"What do black people get after death? Nigger Mortis"
"I once had a job circumcising Elephants The pay was low, but the tips were *huge*"
"""Ok J Lo, we have a movie for you."" ""Is the male lead obsessed with me?"" ""Yes."" ""I'll do it."""
"There are three different types of people in the world... those who are good at math, and those who Just can never grasp it.."
"Did anyone ever find out who let the dogs out?"