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Joke of the Day

"Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty bastards."

"What do you call a boat full of Karma? An Upboat."

"What is Alqueida's favorite football team? The New York Jets."

"New BMWs don't have a dipstick located in the engine anymore They're now located in the driver seat"

"What questioned started the Holocaust? What would you do for a Klondike Bar?"

"Her: I've had gray hairs since I was 16. Me: I got my grays after I got married. Hubs: I CAN HEAR YOU! Me: AND I LOVE MY GRAYS, HONEY!"

"Been at this farmer's market for 20 minutes. Haven't seen a single beard. About to FREAK OUT & start throwing these organic soaps"

"Q: What do you give a dog with a fever? A: Mustard. (It's good for a hot dog.)"

"Mute goes to a wedding... After the ceremony he won't let go of his dick and everyone's a little put off by his public display. With his free hand, he signs ""Speak now or forever hold your peace""."

"I wrote a book about my car It was an auto-biography"