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Joke of the Day

"My dad just told me I should ""stop wasting my life and do something meaningful"" Dad jokes, am I right?"

"Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust... Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming: ""I can't believe it's February and I'm still writing B.C. on all of my checks!"""

"What do they pass around after dinner at Buckingham Palace? Under Eights."

"You are not as bad as people say, you are much, much worse."

"""Ok Noah, that's 2 of everything! Did I see a 3rd sheep in your office tho?"" Nope ""Yea I did, it had lipstick on?"" Nope, raise the anchor"

"What did the /r/news mod say to the other /r/news mod? [censored]"

"Is it solipsistic in here or is it just me? *noun the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist.*"

"Egotist: A person who is usually me-deep in conversation."

"Why don't blind people like to go skydiving? It scares their seeing-eye dog."

"Mark Zuckerberg says he wears a grey t-shirt everyday because he doesn't want to waste time on things that don't matter. He runs Facebook."