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Joke of the Day

"[in bed] HER: talk dirty to me ME: one time I licked the floor of a subway HER: I meant- ME: I use a rat as a loofa"

"Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence."

"Stretching and yawning at the same time might not look so sexy but it looks like you're a Pokemon evolving so that's cool."

"A beekeeper talks about the dangers of his job. ""Of course you have to be carefull you won't get stabbed by one of those creatures, but that's a part of living in a multicultural society."""

"My brother and I know EVERYTHING between the two of us. Go ahead, ask something..."

"In case you haven't checked Facebook, It's hot today, the fireworks were beautiful, and 32 friends invited you to play candy crush!"

"What do we want? A cure for short-term memory loss! When do we want it? When do we want what?"

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile the other day... Thats an awfully big word for a six year old."

"Chemistry Joke Potassium and Oxygen went on a date. It was OK."

"Why don't pirates ever stop going to brothels? They can't get enough booty."