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Joke of the Day

"Saw a licence plate today that said ""LUVSHOES"" Couldn't decide if they love fashionable footware or easy women.."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Tentacles"

"Sending everyone soggy empty boxes this year with a note - Hope you enjoy this expensive ice sculpture made in your honor. #CheapChristmas"

"[watches you eat my bday cake] ""I've poisoned that."" ""Haha very [clasps chest & begins panting] w-with what?"" [leans in & winks] ""Poison."""

"Subway: When you pay to eat fresh Just like Jared"

"How do lesbians celebrate special occasions? They eat out."

"[sees cute girl at the bar] ok it's go time [makes accidental eye contact with her while pumping myself up with some lunges] dammit. abort"

"[NSFW] What's the difference between a bucket of dead babies and a pile of sex toys? The bucket."

"So I ran out of soap a few days ago... It feels like the most American thing I've ever done: lessening my dependence on foreign oils."

"How do Alaska CB radio operators say ""10-4""? ""5-5-2-2."""