223873

Joke of the Day

"Jesus: Go forth. You are now fishers of men. Peter: *harpoons a guy* Jesus: Too literal, bro."

"Who do you think was sent to cover the story of the baby lion born in the zoo? A cub reporter."

"So when is too soon to ask your friend if you can borrow their baby to reenact The Lion King? One day old? Two?"

"Prison guard is a pretty good job. Who's going to steal a prison."

"If we've learned one thing from this whole Ray Rice ordeal, it's that... ...you should always take the stairs."

"A half Chinese, half Italian mobster came into my store today He made me an offer I couldn't understand"

"What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs in a bush? BARRY"

"All we do is support you, all you ever do is complain about us! -if bras could talk"

"Q: Would a lion cheat on his wife? No, but a Tiger Wood."

"""Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Maryland State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years."""