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Joke of the Day

"I started professionally playing the rubber band as an instrument... ...I consider myself a one-man band."

"I invented a new word yesterday Plagiarism"

"Call your son Jack So you can drop your wife and Jack off every morning. (Actually heard a friend said that)"

"What do you get when you cross a Dachshund, a Schnauzer, a Shih Tzu, and a Poodle? A Wienerschnitzel."

"Second best gaming joke ever... Buy the DLC to find out..."

"[dog park] Dog: omg I just found out I'm adopted Other Dogs: [barking in shock]"

"Based on the reaction of the pharmacist who just sold me cold pills, I need to work on my ""I'm not going to make meth with these"" smile."

"Q4: What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? A: Ptera Don"

"*throws phone over courthouse metal detector. catches phone on the other side. resumes conversation*"

"Ever since we lowered our ceilings here at the shipyard, sails have gone through the roof."