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Joke of the Day

"ME: Ugh hate summer when bees are flying everywhere BEE [angrily undoing seatbelt on plane] I'm gonna sting him BEE WIFE:Just leave it David"

"Why do men get erections while they sleep? So they don't accidentally roll out of bed."

"I felt sad when my girlfriend wouldn't reply to my emails I guess that was the point of no return"

"There's two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says You man the guns, I'll drive'"

"Peanut Butter So I was balls deep in peanut butter, and I thought to myself, ""Peanut Butter's a weird name for a dog, isn't it?"""

"What language are you speaking? Cause it sounds like bullshit."

"I hope death is a woman. That way, it will never come for me."

"Why did hitler commit suicide? He saw the gas bill."

"Vegetarian: *lists 100 reasons why I shouldn't eat meat* Me: Counterpoint: bacon."

"Water boarding People who have been waterboarded are hipsters, because they got into pouring water on there head, before it before it was, cool..."