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Joke of the Day

"About to hit the ball Boss: you said you'd played before? Me: uh yes Boss: that's a putter Me: Is that wrong? Boss: wrong for squash yes"

"I'm getting a vanity plate that reads ""B Pitt"" because I like people to be disappointed when they look at me."

"Hey, strippers named ""Elantra"". It's too late to grow some self respect but at least read Car and Driver before picking a name."

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? Need to know ASAP."

"Why do the riot police like to go to Black Friday early? So they can beat the crowd"

"[william shakespeare as an 8yo] dad: bedtime william: dost thou not... dad: [interrupting] STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!"

"Rain is just God listening to Bon Iver."

"""Sir, we lost the platoon. All our men are gone."" A lone camouflaged fedora is seen in the distance. ""not all men"""

"Why do giraffes have such long necks? Because their heads are so far from their bodies."

"A Roman walk into a bar A Roman walks into the bar, hold up 2 fingers and say '5 beer please'"