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Joke of the Day

"Hey, strippers named ""Elantra"". It's too late to grow some self respect but at least read Car and Driver before picking a name."

"[Gets a Netflix notification on phone] FRIEND: Is that your ex? ME: [Lying] No."

"The doctor wants me to start eating healthier to add years to my life. It's like he doesn't realize I'm married."

"Guy: I want a room Receptionist: Sorry no rooms available G: My name is improvement R: So what? G: there is always a room for improvement !!!"

"My car broke down today. It confessed to a series of hit-and-run murders back in 2006."

"What do porn stars and prostitutes say when they wake up in the morning? Time to suck today's dick!"

"Is the reason why all of the Pokemon professors are named after trees because They embark you on your journey?"

"I hate when I put food in the microwave and it starts making explosive noises so I check and it's still cold. Why you gotta be so childish?"

"Doctor Doctor I feel like biscuits! What you mean those square ones? Yes! The ones you put butter on? Yes! Oh You're Crackers!"

"A blind man walks into a bar... and a table... and a chair."