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Joke of the Day

"I found a TV on the sidewalk in front of a house. The owner had left a note. ""Television for sale, $1, volume stuck on full."" I thought to myself, ""I can't turn that down!"""

"Two fish are in a tank one fish looks at the other fish and says... How the fuck do we drive this thing dude?"

"What is the difference between Kanye West and God? God doesn't think that He's Kanye."

"So Miley Cyrus was hospitalized after an allergic reaction. Apparently the ecstasy she took was made in a facility which also processes tree nuts."

"Why did 6 and 8 dislike 7? They thought 7 was pretty odd."

"Grim Reaper: You know why I'm here. Me: Heavy drinking? Unhealthy diet? Texting and driving? GR: You should've forwarded that chain email."

"Accounting Joke: Why did the accountant cross the road? Because that's what they did last year."

"There should be a Photoshop function to automatically remove unwanted trolls from the background of your pictures 'Photo Balm'"

"The worst time to find out your parents are dead is probably right after you've taken a large hit from helium balloon."

"Idk guys, life has never thrown me lemons. Social anxiety, insomnia, mental breakdowns, drugs and eating disorders.. But never lemons."