223573

Joke of the Day

"You know you have something special w someone when u start finishing their sentences. But enough about me & my local Subway sandwich artist"

"My Lesbian neighbors got me a Timex for my birthday They misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch."""

"If Donald Trump was a fruit what would he be? A walnut."

"I called my Colectomy surgeon's office... To check on my appointment. A man with a Russian accent answered the phone saying, ""Thank you for colon."""

"Date: So what do you do for fun? Me: [Flashes back to me tightly strapping a Rolex around a quail] I love bird watching."

"A wizard walks into a gay bar ... and disappeared with a poof"

"MUSLIMS GO HOME! Your spouse called and is fixing dinner early. Please pick up some hummus on your way."

"Whats white on the outside green on the inside and comes with relish and onions ? A hot frog !"

"How do you make holy water? Fill a container and boil the hell out of it"

"Why do cicadas stay up all night chirping irregularly, unable to sleep? Their cicadan rhythm is off"