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Joke of the Day

"What do you call someone who speaks 2 languages? Bilingual What do you call someone who speaks 3 languages? Trilingual. What do you call someone who speaks only 1 language? American."

"I think it's funny how I can sleep right through my blaring alarm clock but I'll wake up to the slightest phantom vibrations from my phone."

"Why are teachers always making answer keys? So they can open doors of opportunity for their students."

"""""Dammit I'm Mad"" is spelled the same way backwards. Think about it."""

"Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand seeing a man have a good time."

"Man goes to the doctor because he believes he might have hemorrhoids He did and it was rather uncomfortable"

"Pretty sure this dollar store toothpaste is just white paint."

"How do you impregnate a nun? You fuck her."

"Good friends are just like snowballs. They go away if you pee on them."

"Always treat your woman like a princess, let a giant turtle kidnap her."