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Joke of the Day

"Thinking of starting an all Asian band Just so we can be called GnarLee"

"put a pic of a girl with perfect abs on my fridge so I'm motivated to suck in my gut every time I pull out the ice cream"

"I used to date an anaesthetist... She was a local girl. [credit to seeing this on QI]"

"When I die I'm going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook"

"Poor old lady!! I saw a poor old lady fall unconscious in the snow today. Well I'm assuming she was poor, she only had 86p in her purse."

"And then the devil said, ""tell her to calm down."""

"What's the most confusing holiday in Harlem? Father's Day"

"Just a soul-crushing reminder that you'll never effectively karate chop a pizza into slices."

"Why did the noodle take a bow after the recital? He was the vermicellist"

"As of last night my mom has more Aerosmith tattoos than my sister again. For now anyway."