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Joke of the Day

"Me: Shot through the heart 911: What is your location? Me: And you're to blame 911: Pardon? Me: You give love a bad name 911: I'm hanging up"

"I can't stand people who have to use a wheelchair That's all."

"I speak 3 languages. Unfortunately no one else in the world speaks 2 of them."

"What's Wayne Static's relationship with drugs? [**I SEE IT!** ooooohh **I NEED IT!**](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ps0MfBG5-Uo#t=1m24s)"

"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.. Shoulda cooked it on aloha temperature"

"The Matrix would have been an entirely different movie if... ...Bill Cosby got the role of Morpheus. ""The red pill or the blue pill?"""

"What's the opposite of irony? Wrinkly."

"The thing about.... What's the hardest thing about being a being a pedophile nowadays? Too many damn sexy 9 year olds."

"I like the fact that Harriet Tubman will be on the $20 bill. It's good to have a black woman represented on American money. It just sucks that it will only be worth $12."

"Trying 2 improve my self image, so I placed a note on my mirror that reads ""objects are smaller than they appear."""