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Joke of the Day

"I burnt my Hawaiian pizza today.. Shoulda cooked it on aloha temperature"

"Having one bathroom in your house teaches you that it is possible to hate a person because of a bathroom."

"""It's not you, it's me. And me. And me! And me. And me."" - schizophrenic break up"

"Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period."

"Did you hear about the fire at the sprinkles factory? Hundreds and thousands were reported missing."

"My mute grandfather always said:"

"My girlfriend left a note on the fridge door... It said, ""this is not working. I'm going to my mothers."" I opened the door. The light came on. The beer was cold. Just what in the hell did she mean?"

"Why couldn't the apple send an e-mail to the orange? Because the lime was engaged."

"Damn girl I like the way you constantly change your profile pic to the one good picture of you from 2008."

"Why can't PC gamers use Uber? Too many incompatible drivers."