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Joke of the Day

"I used to go out with an English teacher, but she dumped me... She didn't approve of my improper use of the colon."

"[First date] ""So, do you have any pets?"" Yeah, I have a pet crow. He's white. ""You have an albino crow?"" He prefers the term cawcasian."

"I've heard making the perfect salad can be pretty difficult... Not exactly **rocket** science though, is it?"

"I got a text today It read: You have won 500 or the chance to see an Elvis impersonator show!!! Reply 1 for the money, 2 for the show."

"While standing in the queue looking at my phone... I'm online online"

"THE TASTE OF A NEW GENERATION What do Brittany Spears and PEPSI have in common? They both have plastic juggs."

"I just scrolled so far back on Facebook's Timeline... I wound up back over on MySpace. "

"What's the difference between pussy and parsley? Who the fuck eats parsley?"

"My wife is a beautiful, kind & giving woman who also checks my TL."

"Girl, you're like my iPhone... I just wanna tap you the night away, without any regards of time."