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Joke of the Day

"It's 2012, aka the future. Don't ask me to print shit out, sign, scan, fax, etc. You're not the CIA. Dial it down, Patty Printsalot."

"How do you start a hedgehog race? Say ""GAH""."

"What's the difference between Leibniz and the Civil Rights Movement? Leibniz was able to integrate in 1675."

"Chuck Norris was bitten by a snake After several day of agonising pain, the snake finally died."

"May you always be the one looking confused standing in the back of a group selfie"

"Worried that Adele's next album might be delayed if she discovers Pinterest."

"If cats could text you back, they wouldn't."

"The world is a dangerous place. Just the other day, I was walking down the street and I punched a guy in the face for absolutely no reason. Stay safe out there, folks."

"A very Fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk, 'i would like to see a bikini that fits me' Clerk...'me too'"

"A driver gets pulled over for improper use of a carpool lane.. Cop: ""Carpool lane is 2 or more passengers and I don't see your second passenger."" Driver: ""well I'm just beside myself."""