223210

Joke of the Day

"In the midst of all this negativity and hate please take comfort in remembering that I have a 5 star uber passenger rating"

"Why do black people from west Africa never go on cruises? They're not falling for that again."

"""How can I waste ten seconds of someone's time and make total strangers hate me?"" - Credit card chip inventor - Me, writing tweets"

"Why to Native Americans wear Jockstraps? TOTEM POLE!!"

"Why do we call rulers ""Your Highness""? because that's what they measure."

"Great. Only a single slice of bread left in the bag. That means until I find another slice, everything that happens today is in the sandwich"

"I don't drink so that I'm more fun to be around. I drink so that you're more fun to be around."

"How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow-worm? He has a flashing light."

"Don't mean to brag but I can turn a pair of fat pants into skinny jeans in like 3.5 months"

"What's the difference between Britain and Australia? When one votes, it changes something, making things worse. When another votes, it doesn't change anything, making things worse."