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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between your mother and a mosquito? The mosquito stops sucking when I slap it"

"My 3 year old is helping me make crepes this morning. So far in the mixing bowl there are 2 eggs, 1 cup of flour and 1 measuring cup."

"HIM: If you're upset that people think you're weird, have you tried being less weird? ME: [eating ice cream with chopsticks] Yes."

"A Roman soldier walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says ""I'll have five beers please"""

"50% of all trending topic tweets are people asking what the trending topic means."

"What do you call an illegal immigrant and a pedophile fighting? Alien Vs Predator"

"Two scientists walk into a bar... ...The first one says: ""I'll have some H2O"" The second one says: ""I'll have some water too"" The first scientist got angry because his assassination attempt failed."

"Do you know about the group of hipster sheep? Never mind, you haven't herd of them."

"Afghani drinking game for Cricket World Cup car bombs"

"IF SEAL IS BROKEN, PLEASE NOTIFY ZOOKEEPER IMMEDIATELY"