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Joke of the Day

"I like to pride myself on knowing whether it's Ice Ice Baby or Under Pressure by the first bum bum bum badda dum bum."

"I'll never forget my wife's last words ""Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?"""

"Yelling at me for warming towels in the oven is not going to get the fire department here any faster."

"My girlfriend was voted most likely to succeed And it happened. She sucks my seed every night."

"Having sex at work is alright As long as you don't work at a daycare"

"If life gives you melons... get a good sports bra."

"Did U hear they're remaking 'Dirty Dancing' & Miley Cyrus is gonna play the abortion."

"How does Moses make his coffee? He-brews it"

"If anyone ever tells you they've lost their voice They're lying."

"I tried S/M once, and ended up with a dominatrix who was unusually cruel. Instead of using a whip she would make me do fractions in my head."