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Joke of the Day

"My big next door neighbour just confronted me about missing items from his washing line. I nearly shit his pants"

"If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie."

"What is the best anti-joke you know? Well a joke that isn't funny, but still is because it isn't. If you know what I mean. These are kind of much easier to remember."

"ME: You're a silly sausage aren't you? SAUSAGE: [peering over spectacles] I may have acted out in my youth but that's not what defines me."

"It's so hot outside, I bet Jehovah's Witnesses are going to start telemarketing."

"What happened to the man who put his false teeth in backwards? He ate himself!"

"Heard this one from WWE. Were you born on the highway? No, why? Because that's where most accidents happen!"

"Glue is weird it's all like hey I want to stick these pieces of paper together wait I have an idea hand me that dead horse"

"What do you call someone who tells you they've successfully broken the Law of Excluded Middle? **WRONG.** ^... ^or ^^right, ^^^or ^^^^something ^^^^^in ^^^^^^between."

"A man once called a pier the ugliest eyesore he'd ever seen, but was then never seen again. I guess you could say he diss-a-pier-ed."