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Joke of the Day

"I heard Reddit likes puns so I posted ten of them thinking at least one would reach the first page no pun in ten did"

"""Now officer, hear me out: alcohol is a depressant and cocaine is a stimulant. Therefore, mixed in equal parts, I'm basically sober!"""

"How do you circumcise a redneck Kick his sister in the chin."

"Doctor Vs Patient Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."""

"What's a turtle's favorite type of shoe? Green clog. (looks almost like a turtle shell)"

"Your parents brought you up! Don't bring them down."

"I think I'll go to church this morning. I need to repent all my sins & pray for the neighbors wife to covet me."

"I JUST HAD AN ESPRESSO WHO WANTS TO JOUST?"

"Ever since I've been on crutches I've been extremely depressed... I mean I just can't stand myself."

"Charm me with your intelligence or just wait till I'm really drunk."